Spreading the love

We took these pictures on Valentine's Day but I never ended up doing a post. Today I decided to spread the love!

I may never know what it is like to have a sister but I can feel the love between Arielle and Averi and it amazes me!

~Momma to Bug n' Bear~

It's our anniversary {on every Groundhog's Day!}

It's been 7 years since I married this wonderful man...



And since I know I don't tell him enough, he is such a terrific father and husband. Love you, PBE!

~BBD~

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day that we will welcome Averi Jaye into our lives as our newest family member! We are all quite anxious and tired of waiting so long for her arrival. Arielle is very excited to be a big sister and meet her baby sister. She says nothing but good things about what is to come which absolutely amazes me and makes my heart flutter. She has yet to say anything negative about having a new baby in the family or show any doubt that this is a good change for us. I watch her play with her dolls and listen to how she talks to them and I have no doubt as well that she is going to be a loving, caring sister.


I feel as though I have been waiting forever to bring this baby into the world. Time goes so fast yet as I wait for something so big and life-changing I can't help but feel like the day is never going to come. I am thankful for the time I have had to spend with Arielle as an only child but very ready to start the next chapter of our lives with another child to love. I am worried about so many things, yet I feel as though I have gotten this far with one child that doing it all with another one will be a piece of cake. Some things will be different this time though, some big things. Like the fact that I have a four year old to look after and make sure I provide her with the same amount of love and attention that she is used to so she does not become resentful. Also, going back to work after 3 months instead of the 7 months that I had with Arielle is different and will be difficult to go through. Even with these things in mind, I am thinking positive and know I will give it my all so that is what matters the most.


~Momma to Bug~

Arielle's Birth Story

Arielle's 3-D Ultrasound ~ 29 weeks

My first born daughter arrived on April 7th, 2005. My due official due date, the date I had been counting down to for nine months, was April 3rd. When my due date came and went with no sign of Arielle showing any interest in dropping down for her arrival my doctor {hesitantly} scheduled an induction.

A photo of me on my due date, April 3rd, 2005

Zak and I headed to the hospital on the evening of April 6th not having any idea of what to expect about when or how our precious little girl would make her appearance. We got settled into our room and shortly after that I got started on my induction meds. I think we watched some television but I don't remember much because they gave my a sleeping pill so I could have my last full night of sleep for a long time to come. From what I remember, I actually did sleep all night and was very comfortable too.

The next morning I started to feel the contractions and requested the epidural. Shortly after they administered it, less than an hour before Arielle's arrival, there was a flurry of activity. The nurse came in to give me an internal exam so she could check on the progress of my dialation but she became very uneasy in an instant. "I think this baby is breach!" she said, to which we replied that we had an ultrasound the night before and that was not the case. I think she might have attempted another internal exam or maybe she just went to get another nurse for a second opinion, I'm not exactly positive but I remember starting to feel uneasy.

When the new nurse arrived and performed her exam she was quite overwhelmed by what happened next. "The baby just sucked on my finger" she said and she told us that she could feel the baby's nose too. I didn't think there was anything wrong with this and thought it was quite cute! However, the nurse explained that this meant that the baby was presenting herself face first instead of head first which is not an ideal position for a natural delivery. They told us that while it wasn't impossible to deliver a baby in this position, it could cause complications and it was a risk that they didn't think was worth taking. Immediately the nurses began prepping me for surgery...an emergency c-section followed very soon after.

Arielle's first photo taken by Zak on his cell phone camera minutes after she was born.

While I wasn't exactly thrilled about the fact that I wasn't able to deliver Arielle vaginally, I accepted the fact that this was Arielle's birth story and I was happy with the outcome. Arielle turned out to be a healthy, happy baby and I recovered from my surgery within a few short days. Sometimes I wonder how this story would have changed if we had the patience to wait a few more days for Arielle to make her arrival instead of scheduling an induction. But I really believe that everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't change anything about it if I could.

Having said all of that, when I found out that I was pregnant again and my doctor said a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) was definitly an option I felt happy to have another chance at a natural birth . I recently learned that there is a 1% chance of major complications arising from a VBAC and only 60% of women are ultimately able to deliver vaginally after a c-section. That pretty much made my decision for me and my life, and the new baby's life, is not worth taking that risk. The only option in my mind is for a planned c-section.

October 2nd, 2009 is the date. This time we both have a pretty good idea of what to expect.

Wish us luck!

~Momma to Bug~

My heart is melting...

I'm sorry to say that the baby bird did not make it through the night alone in his nest. I feel very sad about it today and keep thinking that if we had done things different that he would be alive today. Ironically, I think the same thing nearly every day about my parenting choices. Will it ever end or will I always live in wonder about how things could have been if only I had done things differently?

The other day, Arielle said something that made my heart melt because it showed me how much she truly loves us. She said (word for word) "Daddy, you're my daddy and Mommy, you're my mommy. I will always be with you guys." These were the sweetest words and I never want to forget them. She is so full of love that sometimes it just hurts my heart to think about how much I love her back. I guess her words should be reassurance enough that I have made the right choices and I can stop wondering what could have been...at least for now.